Samantha wrote to Mags:
“When I first met you I was an eroded version of myself. I was a chronic people-pleaser who desperately sought out not only people’s approval, but their undying adoration. I thought I needed it, I thought it would make me whole. I craved people’s understanding, I needed their validation and love, because without it I was a shell. I tried to make myself digestible, someone who would be easy to love.
“I was shattered pieces of feelings, and you helped me make them into a mosaic. I didn't know what to do with all of the things I felt so I threw them at people hoping someone would catch them and care for me. You helped me name the feelings and by doing so I no longer felt like I was a victim to my own emotions, but instead that they were something I should cherish.
I started breaking apart my desire to be understood and guided, and started trusting myself. Trusting yourself is not something that weak people do. I understood that people are flawed, and that I am flawed, but that does not make us any less worthy of love. I got to know what I value, and used that as my compass for how to make all of my decisions and be satisfied with them. It felt like I was trapped under rubble after an earthquake and you removed all the rocks so that I could emerge.
“I feel like I got to know myself intimately throughout the process and could finally see past the fog of my emotions. I used to live my life in constant fight or flight mode, adrenaline constantly coursing through me. Now I feel like my body can rest, that it's ok. My thoughts used to be unable to move without bumping into some piece of the past. I paid tribute to my past experiences and they no longer control who I am today.
“I finally feel like I can wrap myself in the tapestry of myself, I don't need other people's contributions. My values are sacred to me and where I used to ricochet between certainties and doubts, now I know every piece of myself and I know exactly what to do.
“To say thank you seems almost disrespectful because of how little gratitude it conveys, in proportion to the magnitude of improvement I have felt, but I know no better words so thank you for the world you opened up inside of me, I like it here.”