Choices, choices choices

I was recently shopping for jam. Standing in a huge supermarket aisle, looking at all the options available to me, I wondered did I want strawberry, raspberry, blackberry, blackcurrant, plum, damson, gooseberry or rhubarb? What about lemon curd or honey? What about marmalade? Thick cut or thin? And once I had made a choice about what flavour of sweet spread I desired, did I want the supermarket own brand, or did I want to pay a little more for a standard branded version? Or did I want to splash out and buy the most expensive, homemade-healthy-and-wholesome brand?

In the end I bought butter, and left it at that.

Too often in our lives we feel paralysed by choice. The wealth of options available to us in every area of our existence is utterly overwhelming, and it’s no surprise that in self-defence we sometimes shut down and refuse to make any decision at all. It reminds me of the stress response, fight, flight or freeze. We freeze. This paralysis induced by choice is an increasingly common phenomenon in developed countries, as our lives have become much easier and more affluent than they were a hundred or so years ago. We are lucky that most people have the luxury of choosing between many different options when deciding what to eat, what to wear, what to listen to or what book to read. But the flipside is that so much choice may not be healthy, and it can actually make us more unhappy than we would have been otherwise.

Barry Schwartz, American psychologist and celebrated author of The Paradox of Choice, believes that this abundance of choice makes us unhappy for a number of reasons. Firstly, according to him, as soon as we make a choice, we regret it, as undoubtedly the option we chose isn't perfect. If I chose raspberry jam, I might have felt, when spreading it on my toast at home, that really it wasn’t as nice as blackcurrant. Secondly, we feel as though we’re missing out on the options we didn’t choose - to think, I passed up the opportunity to eat blackcurrant jam! Thirdly, with so many options available to us, we develop higher expectations. With so many types of jam on offer, one of them must be perfect, right? And finally, we end up blaming ourselves for making a bad choice, when we are inevitably disappointed with the result. I had so many options, why can’t I even make good choices about jam?

The example of jam is of course a simplified one, but it’s true that we face an unnecessary amount of choice in almost every area of life. The above effects could apply to anything, from choosing food to choosing clothes, to more serious things like choosing a phone contract, a car, a house, a job, or even a partner.

To illustrate his point Schwartz uses the example of buying jeans. In the past, there was only one type of jeans available, and they didn’t quite fit anyone, but you put up with them because there was no alternative. Nowadays, there are more different types of jeans than it’s possible to count, as Schwartz found out when he went shopping for a new pair. He explains the concept of self-blame inspired by choice:

“One consequence of buying a bad-fitting pair of jeans when there is only one kind to buy is that when you are dissatisfied and you ask why? Who’s responsible? the answer is clear: the world is responsible. What could you do? But when there are hundreds of different styles of jeans available and you buy one that is disappointing, and you ask why? Who’s responsible? it is equally clear that the answer to the question is you. You could have done better. With a hundred different pairs of jeans on display, there is no excuse for failure. And so when people make decisions, and even when the results of the decisions are good, they feel disappointed about them, they blame themselves.”

You can watch this TED talk to find out more about Schwartz’ ideas. It’s several years old, so some of what he says is a bit outdated, but his key ideas haven’t changed. Even if you are already familiar with Schwartz’ work, it’s worth thinking about how the paradox of choice appears in your life. Could it be that there are decisions you are putting off making, for fear of making the wrong one? It is often the case that whatever decision you make, you feel some twinge of regret. Even if there’s no doubt you chose the right path, you may wonder what would have happened if you had chosen a different one. And if you are disappointed by your choice (which is not unlikely, as no choice is ever absolutely perfect), it is easy to imagine that you would not have been disappointed if you had only made a different one.

Schwartz highlights that some choice is usually better than no choice, but that too much choice can be a bad thing. The best scenario tends to be a limited amount of choice, defined within certain boundaries. That means using our beliefs, intuition, and value system to define boundaries, and making choices within those boundaries. In the end, I went home and made my own jam. I chose plum, as that was the only fruit we had!

Spring and new beginnings

This week’s blog is slightly different from previous instalments, as we have something very important remind you of.

You are enough. You, reading this blog post, wherever you are. You are enough.

We spend so much of our lives trying to reinvent ourselves - to be better, healthier, stronger, to have more skills or get that dream job or promotion. But the thing is, a goal like this is never the end goal. There’s always the temptation of another one behind it. Just as soon as you can run 5km you start aiming for 10km, just as soon as you get one promotion you set your sights on another.

You may have dreams and goals and plans, and we hope you do, as there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious with your aspirations. But each goal has to be a building block, a milestone to be reached, rather than a stepping stone to reinvention. You are enough just as you are.

As Matt Haig writes in his book Notes on a Nervous Planet: “You were incredible from the day you were born. You were everything from the day you were born. No one looks at a newborn baby and thinks, oh dear, look at all that absence of stuff. They look at a baby and they feel like they are looking at perfection, untainted by the complexities and baggage of life yet to come. We come complete.”

As Haig points out, no ambition or goal will ever be the end ambition, or the end goal: “There is no future. Planning for the future is just planning for another present in which you will be planning for the future.”

In response to this somewhat strident statement, Haig offers some advice: “Try to want less. A want is a hole. A want is a lack. That is part of the definition. When the poet Byron wrote ‘I want a hero’ he meant that he didn’t have one. The act of wanting things we don’t need makes us feel a lack we didn’t have. Everything you need is here. A human being is complete just being human. We are our own destination.”

It’s always a good idea to use Spring as an incentive for new beginnings, inspired by the freshness in the air and the sprouting of daffodils. But Spring should be about renewal, not reinvention, as there is no need to reinvent what is already enough.

The magic of doing nothing at all

“What I like doing best is Nothing.”

This is one of my favourite quotes from the children’s stories about Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne. It’s said by Christopher Robin, a human child who has adventures with his toy animal friends, Piglet, Tigger, Kanga, Eeyore and others, as well as with a bear called Winnie the Pooh.

In this exchange it’s Winnie the Pooh he’s speaking to, and Pooh asks how it’s possible to do nothing.

Christopher Robin explains: “Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it, ‘What are you going to do, Christopher Robin?’ and you say, ‘Oh, Nothing,’ and then you go and do it. It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

What an excellent description!

As adults, we very rarely take the time to ‘do nothing’, and when we do, it’s more often than not accompanied by feelings of guilt, or worry that there’s something else we should be doing instead.

I don’t mean just taking time off - although that is very important too! But we have a tendency to fill time off from work or chores with other things - activities, events, dinners or coffee meetups, enjoyable things that nevertheless still require energy, whether physical or emotional.

Sometimes it can be utterly liberating to just do nothing at all. It can also mean that the body switches on the relaxation mode of the Autonomic Nervous System, essential for healing and repair.

Doing nothing could come in many forms, depending on your own situation and lifestyle. My favourite way of doing nothing is like Christopher Robin’s - I love to go for walks, listening to the birds and the sound of the sea, and not worrying about where I’m going or how quickly I’m going to get there.

I could walk faster, or even run, to maximise the exercise I’m getting. I could listen to podcasts or audiobooks to increase my learning and awareness.

But I don’t, I just do nothing. And while it may be difficult to forgive yourself for ‘wasting’ time, to let precious moments away from work escape without making any progress in a book, television series or other activity, the reward is that those few minutes of doing nothing make the rest of my days calmer and happier.

As Christopher Robin says, “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

Admitting mistakes and making changes

In our last blog we explored why New Year’s Resolutions often falter. We personally find that every year we begin January with ambitious and outlandish plans, only to find that we’re wrestling with feelings of failure if they fall through.

You may feel the same – and in fact, it’s likely that everyone does at some point or other. No matter their success or status in life, everyone goes through tough times, or feels at some point as though they are failing in their efforts.

Even Barack Obama, former president of the United States, at times found it difficult to manage the ambitious political goals he had set himself in the early years before running for president. When he was in his late 30s and early 40s he was representing the 13th district in the Illinois Senate, teaching constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School, and sowing the initial seeds for his future campaign for election to the US Senate in 2004. He also had two young children, Malia and Sasha.

Barack was a committed, loving husband and father, and yet in time he couldn’t keep pace with the demands of the job and his other responsibilities.

Michelle writes about the challenges the couple faced during this period in her memoir, Becoming: “At home, our frustrations began to rear up often and intensely. Barack and I loved each other deeply, but it was as if at the center of our relationship there was suddenly a knot we couldn’t loosen. I was thirty-eight years old and had seen other marriages come undone in a way that made me feel protective of ours.”

Something was clearly wrong. Even the most successful of us struggle at times, and it’s humbling to know that Michelle felt she could share these previously-unknown details of the family’s difficulties in her memoir.

“Barack and I had been through five campaigns in eleven years already,” she writes, “and each one had forced me to fight a bit harder to hang on to my own priorities. Each one had put a little dent in my soul and also in our marriage.”

In interviews about her memoir, Michelle said she wanted to share the less glamorous details to teach young people that not everything is easy, and that the marriage between the two Obamas, which so many people aspire to as #RelationshipGoals, has not always been perfect.

Barack initially did not want to seek professional help to address the situation.

“He was accustomed to throwing his mind at complicated problems and reasoning them out on his own,” Michelle explains. “Sitting down in front of a stranger struck him as uncomfortable, if not a tad dramatic. Couldn’t he just run over to Borders and buy some relationship books? Weren’t there discussions we could have on our own? But I wanted to really talk, and to really listen, and not to do it late at night or during hours we could be together with the girls.”

However, the couple did face up to their challenges and try out couples counselling. They talked, really, talked, over the course of many sessions facilitated by a counsellor. By the end of the course of sessions, they had come up with some new strategies for dealing with the stresses of their work and the challenges of raising two young children.

New strategies included Michelle and the girls not waiting for Barack to come home before they had dinner, and Michelle making time in her day for exercise.

As she told interviewers, the experience made her and her husband realise that neither of them were perfect. She wanted to share this story with the world to emphasise the fact that imperfection is commonplace, wrestling with feelings of failure is normal, and that even the most successful of us struggle at times. We think it’s a very encouraging lesson.

Hopefully your new year’s resolutions are going swimmingly, however, maybe there’s something you’ve been wrestling with recently that you could approach differently?

Why do my New Year’s Resolutions falter?

How many times have you made New Year’s Resolutions? And how many of them have faltered or already fallen by the wayside?

If you’re anything like the majority of the population, the New Year’s Resolutions you made at the beginning of January may already have been abandoned.

Every year we make plans with the very best of intentions: to be more active, to take up a new hobby, learn a new language or finally finish that book which has been gathering dust on the bedside table since August.

And yet, our New Year’s Resolutions rarely work. Why is that?

Every year companies make millions out of our good intentions, as gym memberships momentarily make us feel better then lay dormant, evening classes are abandoned, and new books or exercise equipment goes unused.

According to Lissa Rankin MD, this is because New Year’s Resolutions are made by your conscious mind, and do not affect your unconscious mind. The problem is, neither your body nor your unconscious mind has any idea what day of the year it is. You may decide to wholly revolutionise your life, but your body isn’t necessarily going to be able to keep up with you just because it’s January 1st.

While the ceremony and social scrutiny of a New Year’s Resolution may be enough motivation for some people to make meaningful positive changes, most of us need a bit more help. Studies have shown that successfully implementing New Year’s Resolutions is much less about the time of year, and more about the formation of habits.

Lissa Rankin says: “The power of the subconscious mind explains why positive thinking only gets you so far. How many times have you read self-help books, taken workshops, made New Year’s resolutions, and vowed to improve your life, only to realise a year later that your life is no better? Since the conscious mind is only functioning 5 percent of the time, it has little power to overcome the weighty influence of the subconscious mind. To effect lasting changes in belief, you must change your beliefs not just at the level of the conscious mind, but in the subconscious mind.”(1)

So instead of resolving to make a complete and sudden change, just because it’s New Year, why not try implementing smaller, more manageable changes? Changes that are important to you whatever the time of year.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because you ‘failed’ at your New Year’s resolution, there’s no point trying again until next January. Is that really true? If you didn’t manage to hit your target of, say, going for a walk every day in January, why not trying getting out once a week in February? And then two or three times a week in March?

Small changes can lead to sound habit formation and incalculable success. Taking time to make changes to your life and routine means you can bring your unconscious mind along too, and those New Year’s Resolutions will flourish!

(1): Rankin, L. 2013. Mind over Medicine. London: Hay House UK.

Body Language and Confidence

I love the first autumn classes of the year, as they are still infused with a sense of the holidays. It's a lovely atmosphere: the studio is warm from the natural sunlight pouring through the skylights, the windows are open and the farm animals in the field behind often serenade us!

Today we had a wonderful session centered around the theme of confidence and lifting your breast bone (sternum, the bone at the front of your rib cage, connecting both sides). If you'd like to try it, place a fingertip on the top or near the top of your sternum, feel a little light pressure where your finger is. Meanwhile place your other hand to the side of your waist, that is between the bottom of your rib cage and the top of your pelvis. Focusing on the spot under your finger lift your sternum. You will feel your ribcage lengthen away from your pelvis, your shoulder blades softly drop a little and ease apart and your head will feel as if it has been centered and placed on the top of your spinal column.

Have you ever felt under pressure or intensely purposeful, or watched someone with those traits? When this happens it's almost like your body follows your head. The head is forward and may even be tipped forward with the chin close to your chest, so your sternum sinks slightly, the body can give the impression of scuttling behind to keep up!

The social psychologist Amy Cuddy used five poses – all essentially lifting the sternum - to test her research hypothesis that 'opening' your breast bone can increase confidence. Her team's research concluded that these poses did increase confidence. She also concluded that the opposite movements - allowing the sternum to sink back and the head to drop slightly forward - induced a feeling of powerlessness and a lack of confidence.  Lifting the sternum enables you to easily project a poised, enthusiastic confidence. This self-assured enthusiasm is an impressively useful predictor of success according to Ref Lakshmi's research. Fearfully holding back activates the sympathetic nervous system, your fight or flight mechanism, or stress response. It indicates that you are not willing to be fully present in the moment, and people can tell.

We all respond to non-verbal communication all the time so when your sternum is lifted and you are present, that is attentive to what is happening around you, people respond. When the sternum is lifted and the head is sitting on top of your spinal column you inadvertently become compelling. To begin with you may find it a little odd, your body may not be used to this position, it will become more natural with repetition, little incremental changes. What we now know though is that you can self-induce presence by allowing the body to lead the mind.

It's liberating, I have changed so much from the subtle physical changes you've helped me make Mags. Increasingly I suffered from balance issues before coming to you, I always used to walk with my eyes lowered, with my mind in a whirl. Now, I make an effort to lift my breast bone and notice what's going on more, it helps me to feel in control both physically and mentally. As a consequence my life is more enjoyable, to me it's about having more confidence. -Catherine, July 2016

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Confidence and Chronic Pain

“Presence stems from believing in and trusting yourself – your real honest feelings, values, and abilities.”

— Amy Cuddy

Amy Cuddy developed the 'power pose'

Do you sometimes think that the fear of not knowing how or when you might be better is the worst thing about experiencing chronic pain? It seems that chronic pain somehow diminishes our sense of Presence. The above quote is from a new book recently published by Amy Cuddy[ii].  Presence refers to paying attention in the moment, an enhanced self-awareness. When talking with members of Chronic Pain Ireland at a speaking engagement recently I noticed that sometimes we fold in on ourselves to be smaller, more accepted. In a recent study children identified the figures with limbs astride, arms and legs wide apart, taking up lots of space as boys, and the figures that held themselves neatly as girls. Perhaps this suggests we believe ourselves to be more acceptable if we take up less space? Many of us are parents, or will have held responsible jobs, or significant roles in our communities. Yet still the onslaught of long term pain can seriously affect our confidence and sense of self. A diagnosis of Neurophysiologic Disorder or TMS can help us to understand how the autonomic nervous system is out of balance. It's possible to find a practitioner to help identify what to do about that imbalance. This can help to address the pain. It is a slow but sure way to establish or re build our confidence. It will take time, be rewarding and so worthwhile, however, in the meantime we can give ourselves a quick confidence boost that will rewire our neural pathways over time.

This rewiring is easy, practical, quick to do, it requires a little bit of time and courage, but no equipment, no other people, no financial cost and it’s fun!

Too good to be true?

The 'power pose' developed by Amy Cuddy can transform how we feel about ourselves and how others feel about us. Let me explain - one of the reasons you might feel better after walking, a swim or Pilates, is that you have changed how you hold your body through exercise.

How we hold our body has an impact on our mind, the neural pathways stimulated by lifting our chest just a fraction can give us confidence.  If we are fearful, powerlessness can creep into us affecting what we believe, think, and feel.

The changes we encounter simply by searching for an explanation for our pain can stimulate a fearful response. If we are not informed, the changes are often unpredictable, it is disconcerting, our sense of who we are and our sense of being in control are challenged. These changes can even alienate us from ourselves. What we know is that everyone has an individual response to pain. In fact that is true of most things, invariably one size does not fit all. To invoke the relaxation response to balance the nervous system you may practice mindfulness, meditation or adult colouring. As you feel more in control so your body might need a nudge to improve your confidence. 

Confidence brings the opportunity to believe and trust in yourself, your true feelings, values and abilities. This is important because if we trust ourselves then others can trust us. It is a chance to find peace with being who we are.

Many studies suggest that non-verbal behaviour can signal something more powerful than words. Self-assurance, poise, enthusiasm and confidence, all project a presence that demands that we take notice. Likewise when we hold back, perhaps through fear, we stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, commonly known as the Stress response. It is not a permanent state of being. Stressful situations that make us feel powerless and distracted can be improved by feeling present. When we feel present our speech, facial expressions, postures and movements align. We are being ourselves.

Cuddy describes it as internal convergence, harmony. Palpable and resonant, it makes us compelling. It comes about with incremental change. We can induce a sense of presence by allowing the body to lead the mind.

If you want to try it, take yourself somewhere private, stand with your legs apart, and raise your arms to make an X. Hold this power pose for a while, up to 2 minutes if you like. As you stand in the power pose your brain is receiving a message that you are confident! Repeat this as often as you wish and gradually your brain will believe your body. It's amazing! It works. I have seen the evidence that this works, as has Amy Cuddy. Have a go, let me know how you get on, I'd love to hear from you.

Presence comes from believing and trusting your story – your feelings, beliefs, values, and abilities.

This post was originally published in My Second Spring. 

References:

 Amy Cuddy 2012 TED Talk 

[ii] Presence Bringing your BOLDEST SELF to your BIGGEST CHALLENGES by Amy Cuddy.

Five reasons to keep your phone out of the bedroom

Can your mobile phone really disrupt your sleep? Well, yes frankly it can. “But I can't live without it!” I hear you cry, and there's this thing called 'Nomophobia -' isn't that a good enough reason to keep our phones close at all times?

Nomophobia is the fear of being out of contact by phone. No wait, stop: this is a classified phobia really? Yes, it appears that it is.

Well actually that's quite helpful because we can treat it like other phobias. Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders and there is plenty of support available to help reduce fear and anxiety about spiders.

So maybe we can devise a plan to gradually wean ourselves off bringing the phone into our bedroom? First of all let's remind ourselves why we don't want to have a phone in the bedroom in the first place:

• The bedroom is designed to be restful, without any sources of stress or stimulation as they can be disruptive
• In general it is easiest to sleep in a quiet place, with no unexpected noise
• A cosy, warm, carefully lit bedroom is conducive to a good night's sleep
• The bedroom is an intimate space for sleeping and sex
• Relaxation before you sleep is vital

Convincing a Senior Executive of a mobile phone company to give up his phone

Here's a story about how the Director of an Irish Mobile Phone company changed his habits recently; if he can do this I'm sure we can. My advice to him was to begin with trying a night with the phone present but on silent, then an evening or so later putting it outside the bedroom door, he then choose to leave his phone downstairs and has continued to do that ever since. Not only is he sleeping better but in general his long term low back pain has resolved itself, though it occasionally returns when triggered by stress. There is lots of evidence that we need to re-balance our autonomic nervous system and relax more. This leads to better overall health as it allows the body's natural healing mechanisms to work properly.

Sleep is an investment to enable us to live well and enjoy ourselves, it also makes us feel and look better! To relax we need to empower ourselves and take control of our bedroom environment.  Actual or anticipated messages and calls can trigger a low grade stress response that may disrupt our sleep. 

So, in our Second Spring let's call time on 24/7 availability, with the exception of children and partners. Or maybe without exception, perhaps our children could learn to knock on the bedroom door before bursting in? Speaking personally, that would be terrific!

This post was originally published in My Second Spring. 

Body Mind or Mind Body Connection?

Mind Body

Mind Body Medicine (MBM), which is also be referred to as Stress Illness, is an emerging discipline with roots in Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS) and Psychophysiologic Disorders (PPD). MBM refers to the power the mind has to affect physical changes in our body. Many examples can be drawn on to illustrate MBM, an obvious one is a red face or 'flush' when we are embarrassed or have feelings of arousal if we are attracted to someone.

Body Mind

What if we were to flip the way we see this and consider the sequence of what happens for a minute? It is true to say that sometimes we feel the heat on our face and realise that we are embarrassed or feel aroused and realise we find someone attractive. This is body mind connection.

Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen has developed a way of working called 'Body Mind Centering'. The premise of her work is to raise body awareness, to sense, feel and act, and her wonderful book is called 'Sensing, Feeling, Action'. Movement Therapists work on reconnecting their patients with their bodies. Somatic coaches do something similar. In each case body awareness is improved, and confidence in the body significantly enhanced. People experiencing chronic pain often feel disconnected to their bodies and sometimes, they feel let down by their bodies. It can be so liberating to feel flexible and confident physically.

Mind Body or Body Mind?

Does this mean that strictly Mind Body Medicine could also be called Body Mind Medicine? Yes, I suppose it does, but I think that would be quite confusing and possibly divisive. It is however, important to recognise that increased body awareness can play a significant role in a healthy life and help us to heal if we are experiencing chronic pain.

Neurophysiologic Disorder

Neurophysiologic Disorder (NPD) seems to me to offer recognition of the information exchange between body and mind. NPD recognises that thoughts can directly affect your nervous system creating a physiological response. If this response is pain then the body is telling the mind something is wrong. Equally, we can send a positive message from the body to the mind through neural pathways.

The experience of chronic pain often means that we leave the body and retreat into the mind described by Popova as 'that ever-calculating, seething cauldron of thoughts, predictions, anxieties, judgements, and incessant meta-experiences about experience itself.' Many patients I teach associate their recovery with a re-connection with their body, as if whilst they were experiencing chronic pain they were disconnected from their body.

Amy Cuddy has published research to confirm that this positive message can be sent from the body to the mind, she calls it allowing your body to lead your mind. The premise is body awareness, and in her TED talk (2012) and in her book 'Presence' (2016) she specifically refers to a power pose that can positively affect our mind and how we think. The power pose is essentially being open across the chest rather than closed or concave; a lifting of the breast bone, or puffing out of the chest if you will. It's like a shot of self-confidence, an injection of self-belief or self-worth. This message is sent from our body to mind and interestingly it can also send a non-verbal message to other people. What is seen by others is a self-confident stance and invariably an assumption is made that the person is self-confident as Amy Cuddy says in her TED talk, 'Don't fake it till you make it, fake it until you believe it'.

Information exchange between body and mind

To listen to the body or to develop body awareness actively through movement or Body Mind Centering, for example, opens up the opportunity to add another dimension to Mind Body Medicine. In my experience it appears that for some people the Body Mind connection is the key to their healing process and a healthy life.

Illness Beliefs and Highly Sensitive People

Image: Robert Pittman

One of the most difficult hurdles for people experiencing chronic pain is recognising that the 'illness beliefs' we assume everyone shares may in fact be particular to just us or our own family.  Working with nurses recently, I became very aware of how difficult it is to come to terms with the fact that we don't all share the same beliefs about illness. It seems that our childhood family unit can play a big part in how we view illness when we are adults.

Our childhood family values about illness may also trigger a reaction in us as adults for another reason. We may be what the researcher Elaine Aron calls ''a highly sensitive person'' (HSP) and the more people I meet recovering from chronic conditions the more relevant Aron's work seems to be.

Highly Sensitive people notice the world in finer detail -  they notice faint smells, the feel of a fabric, the volume of voices, and pick up on other subtle nuances embedded in life that others may overlook. This is a good thing: every group can benefit from a HSP to notice subtle communication, or suggest adjustments to an environment that might make it more comfortable. HSP can think and act slightly differently to the majority in a group, which means they may sometimes feel uncomfortable or not sure if they belong. If the group has a strong identity that relies on conformity the HSP may feel out of place.

If the HSP is aware of their sensitivity then it may not be an issue, particularly if they value and take pleasure in having a slightly different perspective.

When it comes to beliefs about illness and other things, most of us,  including highly sensitive people, might assume that everyone shares the same beliefs. This is not the case, and now as adults our childhood illness beliefs may need a review, bearing in mind our sensitivity, as there can be a link between the attributes of a HSP and the personality trait of perfectionism.

A child with the perfectionist trait of wanting to 'get it right' would have paid close attention to the subtle nuances of family illness beliefs. These beliefs will be strongly held, often throughout adulthood as well. Hence, it might come as rather a shock when we discover different illness beliefs to the ones we grew up with, and face the challenge of re-evaluating  our convictions. 

What do you believe about health, happiness and self regulation?

Is it time to take a look at the beliefs that support you?