'I'm hoping to change roles in my career'

You won’t believe this. I met a lady called Mags Clark-Smith, who helps to resolve chronic pain. 

With her help I discovered that basically, I was holding on to so much and I was in pain due to the unexpressed emotions. It’s true I never really understood how to express my emotions. I always appeared to be in a good mood. I was driven by this learned behaviour, by my energy, my motivation and my joie de vivre.

I have learned so much through this process with Mags. I have completed ten sessions and am now completing five more. The work wasn’t easy, I will admit, however so very worthwhile.  I have experienced a weight lifted off my shoulders, a feeling of lightness, my mood has improved, I am not as sad anymore and I have really developed a greater sense of self awareness. 

Being a ‘people pleaser’ I often seek external validation. I am now aware of this and make an effort to turn inside and listen to within, then trust my judgement.  I now recognise that internal validation rates a lot higher than external validation. My gut and I are now best friends and I no longer wrestle with my conscience. 

I was definitely spinning too many plates and my cup was empty. I have learned to take those plates down, one by one and neatly stack them. Refill my cup and heal fully. I still create “to-do lists” but now I include myself! What will I do that will make me happy? I prioritise and make sure that I am doing things for myself now. I enjoy my walks, my strengthening exercises, my meditation. 

Mags asked me to write a number of unsent letters. These letters were really helpful and the fowler my language was the more impactful it was. Burning them afterwards was a great exercise and helped to expel all my anger. 

I do still get a little anxious, but I am working on that.  Now, I am hoping to change roles in my career, and I am using this year to gain as much professional knowledge as possible. It really helps that I can think more clearly and that I am calmer. My fear is reducing!

Take care and remember I love you. 

Love, your future self.