I am writing to you to tell you to keep hope. I know you have been hurting for years, and I know right now you feel like nobody is really listening to you. You are in the hospital yet again, getting countless tests that seem to be going nowhere. You feel like nobody believes you, and that somehow you are making it up. At this stage, you are even starting to question yourself. But I need you to know this, you are not making it up, and you are not crazy.
You have endured a horrible spell of extreme stomach pain, along with so many other symptoms that neither you nor anyone around you can explain. You feel scared, drained, hopeless, and alone. But please keep going. One day, things will start to make sense. One day, someone will help you understand what is happening, and that understanding will change everything.
There is a new understanding of chronic pain, and it is what you are dealing with. What you are feeling is real physical pain, but it is not because you are broken or that you have some sinister disease. Your body has been living under a roof of anger, frustration, loudness, belittling, and sadness for far too long. Deep down, you already know the toll this has taken on you.
I am here to tell you that your pain makes sense. Your body has been stuck in survival mode for years. It has been carrying fear, stress, anxiety, anger and trauma for far too long. What Dr John Sarno called TMS is part of what you are experiencing. This does not mean it is "all in your head". It means your brain and body have been under so much stress that your system has started sending real pain signals, even when there is no physical injury that matches the level of pain you are feeling.
Your brain is trying to protect you, but it has become overprotective. It has learnt to treat your stomach and your symptoms like a threat. It is like an alarm that keeps going off, even when there is no emergency. The pain is real, the fear is real, and the suffering is real. But the good news is that this can change and it will.
You are not dramatic. You are not weak. You are not attention seeking, no matter what some people say, even your own family. You are someone whose body has been overwhelmed for a long time. You have become trapped in a vicious cycle of pain and fear, where the symptoms scare you, and that fear feeds the symptoms even more. None of this is your fault. You don't have to fear the symptoms anymore.
Honestly, you have done remarkably well to keep going to this point. You have endured years of shouting, tears, anxiety and tension in that house. From dealing with your brother’s condition at a young age to your dad’s relentless anger, your nervous system has been carrying more than it was ever meant to carry. It makes sense that your body has cried out in this way.
You have also had to carry so much anger for so long. At 19, you do not really know how to let it out or process it properly, so a lot of it stays trapped inside you. But that changes too. We learn
how to process that anger better now. We stop bottling everything up and pretending we are fine. We start to let it out in healthier ways, by writing, by feeling it, by speaking more honestly about what hurt us. We could still be doing more, and we will. But you do not have to carry all of that anger alone in your body forever.
It is only when your brother leaves the house that everything starts to come crashing down, and eventually, you will begin to understand why. You will go down a route that will change your life forever. It will not be easy, and there will still be ups and downs, but I promise you this, it will get better. You will not always feel this trapped, terrified, and confused. You will come to understand pain, your body, and yourself in a completely new way.
For now, I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you as a person. Your body is not betraying you. It is responding to everything it has had to carry. You are still worthy of being believed. You are still safe. And one day, all of this will begin to make sense.