Not long ago someone I teach, let’s call her Lisa, asked me about something that was causing her concern. She’d noticed recently that, more than once, she had experienced a twinge of pleasure on hearing of someone else’s misfortune. This was making her feel a little ashamed and concerned. Did it mean she was a bad person?
The phenomenon Lisa described is known as schadenfreude, a German word literally meaning ‘harm-joy’, for which there’s no direct English equivalent. You may not know the word, but most of us will have felt it.
If you have experienced chronic pain, you’ll probably already know how complex and unpredictable it can be. Pain shapes not only how we feel in our body, but also how we react to external stimulation, sometimes in ways that we may not be proud of. Schadenfreude is one of those reactions. It’s the unsettling, but also very human, experience of feeling a bit of relief, satisfaction or even pleasure when someone else faces a setback.
While the word is German, the experience of schadenfreude is universal. When we understand where it comes from, especially in people living with chronic pain, we can learn how to break the pattern. It’s often passive, as in Lisa’s experience - a private thrill when someone else fails. But it can also be active, when a person deliberately seeks to cause discomfort or undermine someone else because it makes them feel better. In the context of chronic pain, it’s the active version we need to watch most closely.
Why might people in pain experience this?
Experiencing schadenfreude isn’t a sign of bad character. It’s a side-effect of how the brain is wired for survival. When someone lives with persistent pain the nervous system becomes highly sensitised. The body’s threat circuitry - the amygdala, limbic system and associated networks - is already on high alert. This is what we call hypervigilance. At the same time, chronic pain suppresses the brain’s reward pathways, particularly the ventral striatum, which is responsible for feelings of motivation, pleasure and satisfaction.
Active schadenfreude
When someone else suffers a misfortune something interesting happens: the ventral striatum lights up. For a moment, the brain experiences relief. Not because you want bad things to happen to others, but because your brain is starved of reward chemicals. Schadenfreude is a tiny hit of dopamine, a temporary easing of your own discomfort. This can become addictive. The brain learns: when someone else suffers, I feel better. And so this can repeat, especially when your own pain feels overwhelming or out of control.
Unlike the silent pleasure derived from passive schadenfreude, the active version involves intentionally causing discomfort to others because this provides you with some relief. Some examples might be losing your temper more frequently, snapping at someone just to release tension. It could involve indulging in bullying behaviour because this can act like an emotional pressure valve release. At work, you might find yourself undermining a colleague or taking pleasure in someone else being chastised in some way. What’s clear is that the person doing it usually doesn’t fully understand what lies beneath their behaviour: an overworked survival system searching for a moment’s peace.
Moving forward: how to break the pattern
Awareness, not blame, is the first step. When you recognise that schadenfreude comes from pain, rather than malice, it becomes easier to choose a different response. Here are some strategies:
Notice the impulse without acting on it. Awareness interrupts automatic behaviour. Acknowledge the feeling ‘That reaction is here’, and let it pass.
Strengthen your own reward pathways. Small daily pleasures such as movement, social connection, humour, creativity and self-compassion all increase healthy dopamine release, reducing the brain’s need for small dopamine hits.
Address the underlying pain. Understanding neuroplastic pain, TMS, or the connection between your body and your mind will help reduce the level of distress that drives schadenfreude.
Deliberately choose empathy. Empathy also activates reward pathways but in a cleaner, more sustainable way. Supporting someone else’s success or struggle gives your brain a positive alternative.
Build a sense of internal safety. When your nervous system feels safe, you no longer need to seek relief through someone else’s misfortune.
Experiencing schadenfreude is just a signal. Understanding how you can choose to respond to is what matters.